Cold warning – neos and unis will be no more in the ANC’s new bipolar world order

Many in South Africa remain puzzled not only by the ANC and the govern­ment’s “nonaligned” support for Russia, as it enters a second year of war crimes in Ukraine, but also by the party attending talks with Russia’s ruling party.

The stated intention of the visit is to work towards the “recalibration of the global order to reverse the consequences of neo­colonialism and the previously prevailing unipolar world”.

Now, it’s often hard to decode ANC-speak, because what is said frequently flies in the face of reality (see the present secretary-­general and “the ANC has never supported corrupt leaders”, etc). So we at Daily Mave­rick had a secret briefing with a key adviser to the party’s Committee on International Relations and General Craven Sucking Up to Authoritarians and Dictators.

This adviser shall remain nameless, but rest assured that he is fully cognisant of all the issues at play, and able to interpret the sayings and doings of the ANC for citizens confused by the party’s moral vacuum, which is so often filled with meaningless ideological wittering.

DM: So, Mr [name redacted], tell us how this “recalibration of the global order” works. We realise this is aspirational rather than a real thing.

Adviser: No, no, it’s a real thing. It may take decades, even centuries, to recalibrate the world order, but that does not mean we should give up. As you know, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was the Soviet Union – it took 50 years of oppression and millions of deaths to achieve the highest stage of underdevelopment, but it got there.

DM: Okay, so talking of deaths, the Tsar of All the Russias and Even Some Places that Aren’t Russia, Vlad Putin, is sending tens of thousands of Russian men to their deaths in the “meat grinder” of the war in Ukraine, and his army and his mercenaries have been accused of war crimes because they have bombed civilians, kidnapped children, and so forth. Would you argue that those deaths are contributing to the recalibration of the world order?

Read more in Daily Maverick: Tsar She Blows – Superwarrior Thandi Modise and the Russian fight against Western Imperialism

Adviser: Yes, and heroically so. The sacrifices of the people of Russia and the people of Ukraine will be lauded long into the future by all the free and enslaved peoples of the world. That’s if the future ever arrives, but we must stand firm in our belief that it is better to die for a future that never comes than for a present in which the ANC has insufficient power to loot the state to death.

DM: I see. Or at least I think I do. Does that mean that when Tsar Vlad visits South Africa for the BRICS conference he will not be arrested, even though the International Criminal Court has put out a warrant?

Adviser [laughs uproariously]: You are so funny, you white or whitish liberal do-gooders… No, there’s no chance of an arrest. You will recall how the South African state, under our Glorious Leader and Breeder Jacob Zuma, spirited Omar al-Bashir out of the country when he was about to be arrested for murdering thousands of his people in Sudan. We’re prepared to do that again. And Tsar Vlad will have some well-armed mercenary units on hand to assist us in that regard. Just because a tyrant has blood on his hands, even massive amounts of blood, does not mean that we as the ruling party and the government of South Africa can’t stand by him. To suggest otherwise would be an insult to national pride.

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