From hustling to homesteading — how algorithms tried to turn me into a #TradWife

4 Sep 2024

My detour down the #TradWife rabbit hole, while embarrassing, is a humbling reminder that we must remain vigilant and critical of the content we consume, and always question the underlying motives and potential impacts.

We all know someone – family, friends or acquaintances – who have been duped by the social media algorithm into believing conspiracy theories, following fads, or even embracing extreme ideologies. The internet is a wild mix of the weird, the wonderful and sometimes dangerously misleading, and each one of these pages and creators is vying for our attention, likes and engagement. They pull us into their worlds, often without us even realising it.

When I started the Campaign On Digital Ethics (CODE) earlier this year, I came into the project with some personal experience of how the algorithm can influence our personal lives and behaviours. From family members gradually embracing more conservative and extreme political beliefs, to my own struggle with Instagram-fuelled self-shaming with my changing body, the impact of online influence can be far-reaching on our lives.

One proposed antidote to the negative impacts of algorithms – beyond urging social media companies to fix their content recommendation systems – is to promote digital literacy for all users. This means empowering people with the knowledge to navigate these platforms critically so as to help them recognise and resist harmful content.

I know this. I preach this. I try to critically engage with content that’s on my feed.

And still, I got pulled down the rabbit hole.

Trad or rad?

It started off with following, liking and engaging with food content. I love to cook and eat good, wholesome food. As we become increasingly aware of the disparities and dangers within our food systems, where Big Food feeds our sugar addictions, pumps us with preservatives and decimates large parts of the natural world, finding healthy and more sustainable alternatives for ourselves and the planet is becoming a priority for many.

Social media is a treasure trove of food content, as well as content related to natural and healthy eating and living. But in this stream of reels, memes and podcasts lurks the #TradWives and their “trad” lives.

#TradWives (traditional wives) is a social media trend, where women embrace traditional gender roles within their marriage and family life.

The trend is rooted in the ideal of 1950s domestic American life, where women are seen as (and required to be!) nurturers and caretakers. These content creators celebrate and promote this lifestyle as a form of empowerment, choice and a desire to return to “simpler times”.

However, recent stories about and media investigations of the TradWife movement have revealed unsettling connections between these content creators and far-right ideologies. Some of these creators have been funded by Christian-right organisations to promote conservative gender roles, pushing a return to traditionalism under the guise of a simpler, more fulfilling life.

Sinister manipulation

While much of the content appears to be aimed at women, there’s a growing body of evidence suggesting that men are also being targeted to cultivate a desire for submissive, “traditional” partners.

This strategic manipulation taps into deeper societal anxieties, making the movement not a simple harmless trend but a powerful tool for reinforcing regressive gender norms.

Some of the content is outright provocative – challenging feminist principles, dismissing #GirlBoss culture, and encouraging submission to one’s husband. But then there’s the more subtle content, like what appeared on my feed.

Glowy skinned, dewy eyed women in flowy dresses doing seemingly idyllic tasks, like making yoghurt and mozzarella from scratch, baking bread, sewing clothes, and tending to multiple vegetable gardens, many farm animals, and myriad cute children.

My reality, on the other hand, was a surreal contrast to my social media feed – a city mouse fighting to survive, barely finding the time to cook, let alone eat, and constantly surrounded by people who are grinding just to get by.

I found myself craving a change – to leave Johannesburg behind for a quiet life on a farm, baking bread, making cheese and feeding goats. I wanted to trade in my suits for milkmaid dresses and swap endless meetings for homesteading.

Gradually, the #TradLife content was making me question the life that I’ve worked so hard to build – a life shaped by the sacrifices of my mother, grandmother and countless other women before me.

Life on one’s own terms

The bubble finally popped for me, after reading about the facade behind Ballerina Farm, and understanding the length and breadth of the TradWife movement on social media, and how I, and I’m sure many others, have been co-opted by this content.

When I share this story with friends, they often laugh at the irony of an algorithmic accountability activist being duped by the very system that I critique. But that’s the thing – none of us is immune to the persuasive power of these algorithms. No matter how informed or vigilant we think we are, we can all be subtly influenced and targeted in ways that we don’t even realise.

I don’t judge those who choose to be TradWives and embrace their trad lives. It’s a choice that, if made willingly and with full awareness, is theirs to make.

However, it’s important to recognise that society – through religion, education and economic structures – has long pressured women into adopting traditional gender roles and “knowing their place”. Now, algorithms are amplifying these pressures too, subtly guiding individuals towards these ideals under the guise of nostalgia and simplicity.

The concern isn’t with those who consciously choose this path, but with how these algorithms can coerce or manipulate others into rejecting the progress we’ve made towards gender equality by presenting each side in a polarised way. You’re either a Girl Boss or a Trad Wife. You’re either baking bread or bringing home the dough.

In the end, I suppose, it’s about finding a balance that works for you. Regardless of the path we walk, it should be one that we have chosen freely, without being unduly influenced by algorithms and bad-faith actors.

This is why we desperately need transparency around social media recommendation systems – so we can understand who is targeting us and why we are seeing certain types of content in our feeds.

Knowing who’s behind the curtain and what their motives are is crucial for ensuring that our digital experiences reflect our true interests, not just the agendas of those who profit from our attention.

My detour down the #TradWife rabbit hole, while embarrassing, is also a humbling reminder that we must remain vigilant and critical of the content we consume, and always question the underlying motives and potential impacts.

I still want a quieter life, baking bread and harvesting my own vegetables, but I’ll do it on my own terms – sans the submissiveness and gender norms, and with my modern-day sass intact. DM

Kavisha Pillay is executive director of the Campaign on Digital Ethics (CODE).

Categories:

Maverick Life

Tags:

DM is much better if you are signed in...

Maverick Life

Trad or rad?

Sinister manipulation

Life on one’s own terms