It is rarely a good year to be a woman — no questions allowed

We look at the calendar in December every year and reflect on the good and the bad things that have happened over the 12 months, as if time can be parcelled off neatly into discontinuous blocks. We do it anyway. And so, I wanted to say it has not been a good year for women, but the Taliban (and men) reminded me, us, that women have rarely had a good year. Also, it is almost always men who make the rules, or who make proclamations about the female body. These proclamations make it into our daily feed….

Afghanistan is a good place to start, especially since the Republic of South Africa has gone to great lengths to protect women (and girls) and promote inclusivity. Except, this republic turned a blind eye when it came to playing cricket with the Afghanistan team. Let’s be clear, we have to be complete in our rejection of gender-based violence (GBV) — and not just the physical violence. It has to be stated, over and again: you don’t have to see a woman being beaten up on a street corner to know and to understand how violence is structurally embedded in societies.

Here’s a lesson in why we should be hesitant to take politicians at their word. After seizing power, the Taliban said, on 15 August 2021: “We are going to allow women to study and work within our framework. Women are going to be very active in our society.”

Since then, the Taliban have restricted women and girls at almost every turn; from telling them what they may/may not wear to where they may travel, and what they may or may not be taught at schools — if they’re even allowed to attend school.

The Taliban’s restrictions on women fell into place within months of their coming to power in December 2021 (two decades after they were first toppled) when they proclaimed that women would have to be accompanied by a male relative if travelling more than 72km. Since then the Taliban have intensified the violence against women. Within a year of coming to power, the Taliban began to bar female students from returning to class.

Within three years, the Taliban government began to “deliberately” deprive at least 1.4 million girls of their right to an education, and in doing so placed the future of an entire generation in jeopardy. The UN (selective in its condemnation of genocidal acts or structural violence) expressed alarm at “the harmful consequences of this increasingly massive drop-out rate, which could lead to a rise in child labour and early marriage”.

The Taliban have drifted into ridiculous — absurd — tributaries and shown profound ignorance and violence. They are reportedly considering banning women from attending nursing and midwifery courses.

Afghanistan is the only country in the world to stop girls and women from attending secondary schools and universities. In Afghanistan, structural violence against women is policy and not an unintended consequence of a failed political economic system. It is based on the Taliban’s reading of the Quran. We cannot question that. No questions allowed.

Female sexuality defined and discussed by men

Let’s bring this home, to this here republic. Video clips of a podcast show up on one of my social media accounts. I don’t subscribe to the podcast, so I receive only brief clips. The algorithm saw something that directs things to my Instagram feed. In mid-November, there was a clip of two or three men discussing women’s sexuality.

I’m not sure where the discussion on the podcast eventually went, but the parts I heard were about women’s orgasms, intercourse and “consummation” — all under the rubric of “The Art of Halal Intimacy”. A guest on the show, Habeeb Akande, describes himself as an Author, Sex Educator, Historian and Erotologist on X. He has written a whole book on “The Secret to Female Pleasure” — seriously. I mean, that’s fine. I have written on warfare without ever being on a battlefield.

Nonetheless, the immediate question I had while watching the short video clip, was this: Why are men discussing women’s sexual pleasure?

I should put the question to the hosts of the podcast, but I think that I know the answers they would provide. They will, I am sure, refer to “taken out of context”, or it’s a matter of “faith” or “religious freedom”, or make accusations of “ignorance”, and, you know, the usual apologetics or warnings about questioning god and HIS prophets and messengers who, I seem to recall were all male.

Ironically, in an earlier episode, the hosts of the podcast in question said they encouraged “questions” and critical thinking. Nice people, they are. This is disingenuous, though. Religious texts (almost all were written by men) usually have all the answers to all the questions. So why bother? Each of the Abrahamic religions typically has “an official line” which you may “question,” but with which you should not disagree.

(Here is a good discussion on an “official line” about sex in Islam.)

The question is, then, how can you encourage critical thinking and questioning, when everyone is expected (it is demanded!) to end up at the same answer? Here’s another question: Why do men think it’s okay to discuss women’s sexuality and whether women are “allowed” to have orgasms or make U-turns under the sheets?

The answers are not really that difficult, if you shut up and accept them, that is. In most of the sacred texts, people are one homogenous group, and there is one law for everyone, never mind individual preferences. Except the whole body of laws was written by men.

Asking the Taliban, (the cynosure of male military machismo and self-righteousness) to write laws that don’t suit them may be asking the impossible. As for a discussion on the female orgasm… Well, I should tell the bros of the podcast, clever and cunning linguists that they are, women might just have something to say about that, and listening is a good start. DM