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Letter to Mahlamba Ndlopfu- the ANC is in the throes of reconfiguration madness

Bhekisisa Mncube
By Bhekisisa Mncube
28 Mar 2025
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Another ANC reconfiguration is looming — this time placing all eight metropolitan municipalities under quasi-administration by deploying senior national leaders to babysit wayward comrades.

Ah, Chief Dwasaho! Only time will tell if Secretary-General Fikile “Mr Fear Fokol” Mbalula is indeed a political genius or merely another intellectual toad croaking in the stagnant waters of our beloved ANC’s political swamp.

Initially, he and the majority (I presume) of the illustrious National Executive Committee (NEC) — the ANC’s highest decision-making body between conferences — crafted the infamous “reconfiguration” concept instead of the archaic notion of disbanding underperforming political structures altogether.

Predictably, the chattering classes and the Westernised commentariat went berserk once the full horror of this reconfiguration emerged. It revealed a cunning plan to invite political has-beens and perennial losers to co-govern with those who were duly elected (but politically clueless), some of whom barely survived the underground manoeuvrings of the uMsholozi (Jacob Zuma) loyalists in last year’s general elections.

The final result of this political hodge-podge is a staggering 67 warm bodies for KwaZulu-Natal (KZN) and another 68 for Gauteng. I’ve already done the maths: my leader, just one meeting of this bloated conglomeration of esteemed leaders, will require no less than 24 hours — and that’s assuming everyone keeps their speeches shorter than Mbalula’s tweets.

As a self-confessed, politically naïve pseudo-commentator, I mistakenly believed the so-called “reconfiguration” would be confined only to the ANC’s underperforming provincial structures in KZN and Gauteng. Indeed, I shouted from the rooftops to anyone who cared to listen — including the deaf — that ANC renewal was finally in full swing, and the proof of the pudding was firmly in the eating in those provinces that dragged our once-mighty liberation movement to the ignominious depths of 40% electoral support.

But alas, even a genius like me (more credible, mind you, than half the chattering classes put together) must occasionally eat humble pie. I openly confess my fatal intellectual miscalculation: Comrade Mbalula and his merry band were far from finished.

Audacious disregard


With audacious disregard for political symbolism, they shamelessly appropriated “Gwaza Mkhonto” (stab with a spear) — the rallying cry of Jacob Zuma’s newly minted uMkhonto Wesizwe party — to spearhead their vigorous “reconfiguration” of the NEC’s subcommittees.

Clearly, our Secretary-General has elevated political surgery into a spectacular theatre of absurdity. Whether this amounts to genuine renewal or just rearranging deckchairs on the ANC’s sinking Titanic, only time and perhaps another scandal or two will tell.

Things finally came to a head for the ANC’s once-flamboyant spin doctor, “Streetwise” Zizi Kodwa.

First, they unceremoniously booted him from the Cabinet — then Parliament followed swiftly after. As if this humiliation weren’t enough, he was dragged through the mud of our judicial system, publicly embarrassed in court, and now faces the wrath of the ANC’s dreaded National Disciplinary Committee over charges even the state saw fit to abandon.

But wait, there’s more! Just when Streetwise thought he’d reached rock bottom — boom! — another devastating blow landed squarely on his political chin. Stripped of his glamorous role as the KwaZulu-Natal convenor, he now finds himself relegated to political Siberia, deployed to the Northern Cape as a mere NEC deployee.

Oh, how the mighty mouthpiece has fallen, Chief. Indeed, in the ANC, when it rains humiliation, it pours.

To confound even the sharpest political analysts, Faith Muthambi now chairs the Legal and Constitutional Affairs Committee — surely a dark comedy worthy of the Theatre of the Absurd.

Isn’t this the very same Muthambi who, together with uBaba (Jacob Zuma), gifted us the matric-less circus act known as Hlaudi Motsoeneng, the clown prince who ran our public broadcaster into the ground?

Wasn’t it Muthambi who, during her infamous ministerial tenure, stuffed every available square metre of her office with a battalion of 40 unqualified homeboys and homegirls from her province and was subsequently found guilty of nepotism?

Generous soul


And lest we forget, wasn’t she also the generous soul who treated family and friends to taxpayer-funded flights to attend her own budget speech performance? My leader, the ANC’s irony meter has long since run out of steam.

To make matters infinitely worse, uBabes wama Coffee Shops herself — Thembi Simelane, ever elusive, ever connected — is now deputy chairperson of the ANC’s local government intervention team. Oh, the irony! Isn’t she the very comrade whose stellar leadership drove Polokwane Municipality straight into administrative ruin, prompting Auditor-General Tsakani Maluleke to lament the millions lost through water leaks and reckless overspending?

My leader, I begged you to release uGal back into the wild, where her true talents lie: VBS soft loans, and coffee shops sprouting on every street corner, lucrative vacant lots snapped up with bundles of cash, and mysterious ATM deposits that materialise miraculously from thin air.

But no, in our beloved ANC, scandal is clearly the new Applicant Tracking System (ATS) CV booster — the more spectacularly you fail, tarnishing the proud legacy of illustrious figures such as John Langalibalele Dube, Albert John Mvumbi Luthuli, OR Tambo, Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, Charlotte Maxeke and Albertina Sisulu, the quicker and higher you climb.

I was more stunned by the appointment of young gun Zuko Godlimpi as chairperson of the Economic Transformation Subcommittee, arguably the ANC’s most powerful structure. Historically, this committee has served as a launchpad for prominent figures who later ascended to key positions, including the finance ministry. Is this latest appointment didactic or strategic? Only time will tell.​

Unsurprisingly, Khumbudzo “Smoke Them Out” Ntshavheni is on the rise. Now, she is the NEC convenor of the reconfigured Gauteng Provincial Task Team, stacked with 68 warm bodies. Ntshavheni is something else. My mole, buried deep inside the belly of the beast, the State Security Agency (SSA), confirmed media reports that she didn’t mince her words. She told senior spies to their faces that they were useless and needed to make way.  

My leader, my brain fog returned with the zeal of Elon Musk dismantling US federal agencies when news broke of yet another bizarre ANC reconfiguration — this time placing all eight metropolitan municipalities under quasi-administration by deploying senior national leaders to babysit wayward comrades.

Apparently, the National Working Committee (NWC), in a flash of brilliance reminiscent of Ace Magashule’s political manoeuvres, cooked up this masterstroke during their jaunt to the Free State. Clearly, they’re panicking before the 2026 local government elections, realising that the metros are collapsing faster than a house of cards in a hurricane.

‘Cupcake’


My leader, it appears you, President Cyril “Cupcake” Ramaphosa, have drawn the short straw. You’re now saddled with the notoriously dysfunctional Tshwane metro, currently governed by ActionSA’s Nasiphi Moya in an unholy matrimony with your ANC and the EFF. Rumour has it you’re also being eyed for eThekwini, our beloved, eternally leaking metro famous for its tenderpreneurs and sewage rivers flowing like champagne at ANC galas.

Meanwhile, Deputy President Paul Mashatile, forever entangled in lavish lifestyles and opulent properties, fittingly takes charge of Mangaung, a municipality so troubled it could be a mirror image of his own controversial record.

Gwede “Tiger” Mantashe, my leader, will wrestle political irrelevance in DA-controlled Cape Town, a truly heroic act of futility, considering the ANC’s chances there resemble my own chances of winning the Comrades Marathon.

Johannesburg, once our economic powerhouse, now barely breathing under the weight of political incompetence, lands firmly in the tweeting hands of Fikile “Mr Fear Fokol” Mbalula — God help us all.

His confidante, Nomvula “Mama Action” Mokonyane, infamous for her Bosasa-funded braai packs and birthday extravaganzas, is tasked with managing Ekurhuleni. Meanwhile, Maropene Ramokgopa, the rising star without scandal (yet), is off to Nelson Mandela Bay, hopefully not to learn bad habits from her seasoned colleagues.

The ANC’s treasurer-general, Gwen Ramokgopa, has been deployed to Buffalo City, presumably to count every missing rand — a thankless job if ever there was one.

It beggars belief, my leader, that our glorious liberation movement is literally deploying its highest officials to clean up their own messes. Failure is now undeniably the ANC’s most reliable ATS CV booster — the bigger your scandal, the faster you climb. Indeed, this reconfiguration madness could only happen in Mzansi.

As always, my leader, the ANC’s playbook remains unmatched in its ability to turn chaos into careers. Till next week, my man — send me to Luthuli House, I want to reconfigure the NEC. DM

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