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Letter to Mahlamba Ndlopfu: The Trump Chronicles — common sense flies out the window

14 Apr 2025

Although not desirable, let’s cut all ties with the US. In any event, nothing is left to salvage. No aid. No fair trade. No decency. No diplomacy. No common sense.

Ah, Chief Dwasaho! I warned in last week’s column, mere hours before the 47th US President, Donald “Mr Tariffs” Trump, a convicted felon, graced the Rose Garden with the swagger of a man on a mission, that trouble was coming.

As I predicted, Trump announced a series of tariffs, “clearly on a suicidal economic mission to redraw the global trade map, imprinting a negative and irreversible impact on geopolitics”. True to form, he oozed bravado when he mounted that iconic White House platform — if not doused in liquid courage. Truth be told, the man lacks both oratory skills and charisma.

My leader, let’s give credit where it’s due: Trump learns fast, faster than an American taxpayer-funded trans mouse sprinting through a hormone trial. In his address to Congress on 4 March 2025, President His Admiral Donald Trump, with his signature blend of pompous bluster and quixotic detachment, declared that “nobody has ever heard of Lesotho”.

He accused this unknown country of wasting United States Agency for International Development (USAid) funding on “$8-million for making mice transgender. This is real.” The claim was fact-checked, revealing to all Trumpists that they are bereft of the basic intellect required of functioning humans.

Pure fiction

A mere 29 days later, on 2 April 2025, Lesotho vaulted from geopolitical obscurity to starring on America’s economic hit list. He imposed a 50% tariff on its exports to the United States. President Trump justified this by alleging that Lesotho had imposed a 99% tariff on US goods. This can never be true; in fact, it’s pure fiction.

Lesotho, a small, mountainous and landlocked country entirely surrounded by South Africa, has a population of approximately 2.3 million people. In 2024, this tiny kingdom exported goods worth $237-million to the United States alone, accounting for more than 10% of its GDP.

Approximately 49.7% of the population live below the poverty line, and the unemployment rate is estimated at 25.3%. Inflation remains high. Lesotho is among the most unequal countries in the world, with a Gini coefficient of 0.541, although it does have the capacity to export primarily garments, diamonds, water, and electricity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJdf67PwmS8

But in Trump’s eyes, the tiny kingdom has “looted, pillaged, and plundered” the United States’ funds and goodwill. Yet Lesotho citizens still languish in poverty, barely scraping by. Now, their modest exports to America have been slapped with an astronomical tariff, albeit now suspended for 90 days. The audacity and immorality of it all are mind boggling.

Strangely, Lesotho hosts a US embassy and maintains a diplomatic presence in Washington, DC. While Trump feigned ignorance about the mountain kingdom, his sidekick Elon Musk’s satellite internet outfit, Starlink, had already applied for a network services licence to beam broadband into Lesotho’s rugged valleys.

All this from a country that, according to Trump’s theatrics, nobody has ever heard of.

Empire by Wi-Fi

While Lesotho suffocates under American actions, US satellites prepare to orbit above its skies, streaming internet into homes sewn by the very textile workers the tariffs now threaten. Call it free-market schizophrenia or empire by Wi-Fi — Uncle Sam wants it both ways.

In his so-called “Liberation speech”, President Trump imposed a 10% tariff on imports from uninhabited territories, including Australia’s Heard and McDonald islands — remote outposts with no permanent human habitation, populated mainly by penguins and seals.

Trump’s actions reflect a romantic crusade against imaginary trade villains, fully aligned with his “Make America Great Again” (Maga) philosophy, which continues to thrive on post-truth narratives.

Trump’s hubristic attempt to strong-arm global markets has been described by economists, market analysts, and just about everyone with a secondary education as a reckless move. A move, mind you, that many economists predict will lead to significant job losses across various economies, including the United States itself.

Analysts from JP Morgan have warned that these proposed tariffs could trigger a recession, with the not-so-small side effects of higher inflation, reduced economic growth, and rising unemployment.

Jamie Dimon, the sharp-suited CEO of JPMorgan Chase, cautioned that Trump’s tariff blitz might “reheat inflation” and throttle an already wheezing global economy. This, dear reader, is the net effect of Trumpism under the overarching ideology of Maga and its implementing agent, the Department of Government Efficiency (Doge), by a foreign national, South Africa’s own best export to the Empire, Musk.

Dodging accountability

My leader, if I may for a second, do away with the isiZulu stylish linguistic — to claim a poetic licence, as it were — Maga, in my language, is the rough equivalent of lies. If we extend the same courtesy to proper British English, Doge could just as easily stand for dodging accountability while spreading lies to serve an ego the size of Russia — which, ironically, remains Trump's bosom friend. How the minors have risen.

South Africa, my leader, is being harangued for supporting a small population in a besieged and occupied Palestinian Territory. Yet, Uncle Sam is free to mollycoddle the Russian Empire with diplomatic winks and economic hypocrisy.

As was common cause, South Africa — a nation where, according to Uncle Sam, “bad things happen” — wasn’t spared. The United States slapped us with a 25% tariff on auto imports, dealing a significant blow to our automotive industry. This was part of a broader strategy, including a 10% baseline tariff on all imports, affecting both “friends and foes” alike.

Moreover, the “shithole” called South Africa faces, in 90 days time, a special 31% tariff on all goods entering the US market, a move that effectively nullified the benefits of the African Growth and Opportunity Act (Agoa).

Interestingly, Trump exempted tariffs for the very things he needs most — platinum group metals (PGMs), of which we hold 88% of the world’s reserves.

Although not desirable, let’s cut all ties with the US. In any event, nothing is left to salvage. No aid. No fair trade. No decency. No diplomacy. No common sense. It is policy through f*****g lies.

Conversely, AgriSA warned of significant job losses. In a recent interview, Johann Kotze, the CEO of AgriSA, highlighted the potential negative impact on farmers and the broader economy.

‘Reckless policies’

Yet, AfriForum has attributed the imposition of the 31% reciprocal tariff by the US to the policies and actions of the African National Congress (ANC). Kallie Kriel, the CEO of AfriForum, stated that South Africa is now “reaping the bitter fruits” of the government’s “reckless policies and defiant actions” towards the US.

Adding insult to injury, US lawmakers introduced the US-South Africa Bilateral Relations Review Act of 2025 to sanction South African officials for policies deemed contrary to American interests. Under this act, the US will grant Priority-2 refugee status to Afrikaners and their immediate families, citing persecution. AfriForum welcomed these measures, viewing them “as a validation of their longstanding grievances”.

The Solidarity Movement has warned that the proposed bill could negatively affect South Africa’s participation in Agoa, potentially leading to significant economic repercussions. They emphasised that “such consequences would result from the ANC’s policies and actions”. In other words, all right-wing lobbying in the US has paid off for the duo, but they are too modest to accept the applause. The bogeyman is the ANC. Yet, at the heart of the disinformation campaign is the issue of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) laws.

AfriForum and Solidarity are beside themselves with joy because they are clever fellows. If South African products are subject to higher tariffs, the American market will shrink, resulting in a goods surplus.

At this point, AfriForum hopes that the United States will only grant a special dispensation to Afrikaner farmers. However, if this does not materialise, they are banking on massive retrenchments on farms, disproportionately affecting black labourers. By 2023 estimates, approximately 920,000 individuals were employed in South Africa’s agricultural sector.

Economic fallout

If the suffering escalates, with black South Africans once again at the receiving end, AfriForum and Solidarity appear less concerned with economic fallout and more animated by the prospect of weakening any ANC-led government.

Failing that, one fears they’re content to stoke tensions to dangerous heights, risking civil unrest and a possible race war. While no one has publicly advocated for it, the undertone is chilling: political sabotage disguised as policy advocacy.

These are Newton’s Third Law of Motion disciples: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” In their political brinkmanship games, black lives are the bargaining chips — political expendables.

Till next week, my man — send me to the White House; I want to make Bhekisisa Mncube Great Again (BMGA). DM

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