The America S*** Show vs the South Africa S*** Show

Dear fans of the South Africa S*** Show (Sass), dear sassies, my dearest sassmen, sasswomen, and gendersassy folk.

I must apologise, I’ve missed a few episodes of our favourite show in recent weeks. Blame it all on what is undoubtedly the biggest show on the planet right now, the America S*** Show (Ass). I totally got distracted by that big Ass and I have failed you in my role as our country’s most important living or unliving television soapie critic. 

I can’t even completely blame the brilliant writers on Sass for my lack of interest. From the bits I’ve caught here and there, it seems those talented scribes are still amazing as ever. That said, there’s always room for improvement, and I have thoughts, which I will share in a moment.

But first, to continue my apology tour: yes, I understand as much as the next man that we live in an era of multitasking, and that we should be at the ready, jumping from one task to the next. And of course, by that logic, just because I couldn’t keep my eyes off that big Ass and literally had nothing but Ass on my mind, especially with the recent assassination attempt of the man who has become the beloved star and face of the American S*** Show, the Assface if you will, that doesn’t make it okay for me to neglect my sassies.

I’ve spent a lot of time in introspection, almost a full minute, reflecting and asking myself the tough questions: am I an Ass-man or Sass-man? Eventually, I came to a place of self-forgiveness as I realised that perhaps I’m not at fault and that it’s all the same: if one is a Sass-man, they’re most likely to also be an Ass-man given the chance.

But also, I suspect that the writers behind that Ass have watched a few seasons of Sass, and perhaps realised that as exciting as their Ass has been over the past few decades, their plot twists were no match for Sass, and decided to take things up a notch by making Assface’s return to power so dramatic and iconic. Anyway, I am now taking an intentional break from all things Ass and Assface. It’s all a bit much at the moment, to be honest. I never thought the day would come when I would look to Sass for a breather. 

That said, I do have some words of advice for the Sass writer’s room. Call it respectful, constructive criticism from a lifelong fan, if you will. As exciting as the whole VBS storyline is, it just feels a bit like we’ve seen this before. It all hearkens back to 2018’s Season 25, when it was first revealed that the men in red’s vision of “economic freedom” was more about liberating funds from the bank accounts of ordinary citizens into their own than some sort of broader social transformation. 

I feel like a better show wouldn’t wait a whole six seasons, until the current season 31, to suggest some sort of resolution. Viewers watched, season after season, bemused and frustrated, as the fruity looty characters involved continued their lives, on the national stage even, seemingly unperturbed by the storm clouds of accountability gathering on the horizon. 

It’s no mystery then, that many gave up, lost their Sass, as it were, and perhaps, like me, got addicted to that Ass. I hope the writers don’t think me too forward. But I think it would be best to wrap up this red overall storyline quickly, perhaps as a spinoff miniseries. Call it the Prosecuting Authority S*** Show (Pass) and make it six episodes max. 

This might even give some of those lesser Sass characters from past seasons more prominent roles. I’m thinking of the ones from that National Prosecuting Authority storyline that’s always in the background, never quite coming to the surface. These poor actors never seem to have any significant speaking roles. In fact, I’ve heard rumours from my actor friends that due to their seemingly ever-diminishing roles, many of them have been sitting at home, watching Assface get prosecuted on Ass and hoping. I imagine a bit more time in front of the camera should be very exciting for them.

I’m all for slow-burns and seeing a story through, but Sass could benefit from new blood and a new imagination. Admittedly, I’m excited about the return of beloved and at times hated characters like the Gen Z duo, a.k.a Zuma and Zille, but it might all get old really quickly.

Once again, let me stress that I write this with the utmost respect, and even as easily distracted as I have been by that Ass of late, I am a Sassy at heart. And I am excited to see what else is coming up for season31.

Knowing the writer’s room, I’m pretty sure they have some amazing stuff in store for all of us in the Sassyverse. I’m convinced that the whole GNU storyline is just a setup for a seriously fiery storyline, a proper little dumpster fire. May the flames light the way forward! DM