The sad reality of sporting prodigies’ abusive parents — and why the line is so fine

Tennis legend Andre Agassi in Munich, Germany, on 3 December 2024. (Photo: Alexander Hassenstein / Getty Images)

10 Apr 2025

The child abuse trial featuring the parent of an Olympic champion is a stark reminder of the fine line parents of sporting prodigies must walk.

Years ago, during one of the casual chats in a break between interviews I conducted with Jake White as we worked on his autobiography, the conversation turned to parents pushing their children on the sports field.

The exact details of the conversation are fuzzy nearly 20 years later, but I recall Jake saying that when he watched his sons play rugby, he stood behind the poles and said little to nothing.

He disliked the parents screaming, shouting and bullying their boys from the sideline. To paraphrase, he said: “How many boys will go on to be Springboks out of all the grades at one high school in any year? Probably one if you’re lucky,” was Jake’s assessment.

His advice was to enjoy watching your children play, encourage them, but don’t be pushy.

That is sensible advice, something which I follow. Yes, I cheer and occasionally become frustrated, but I understand that my child is not on track to be a world-class athlete, so some words of encouragement and perhaps an honest criticism are as far as I’ll go.

The line

That works for us, as I suspect it does for most families. But is it the best approach if it’s clear your child has athletic gifts that could blossom with some pushing?

I ask this question because the ongoing trial of Gjert Ingebrigtsen in Norway has caught my attention as it raises the fundamental question of where “the line” between support and abuse sits.

If you don’t know who he is, Gjert is the father of Olympic 5,000m and 1,500m champion Jakob, who is one of several talented siblings.

Jakob Ingebrigtsen of Team Norway competes in the men’s 3000m final at the Nanjing, China, World Athletics Indoor Championships 2025. (Photo: Lintao Zhang / Getty Images)

ingebrigtsen gold medal Jakob Ingebrigtsen of Norway (centre) with his gold medal after wininng the men’s 5,000m at the 2024 Paris Olympics. (Photo: Roger Sedres / Gallo Images)

Jakob is the only one of the Ingebrigtsen clan who is a professional and successful runner, mainly it appears because he was the only one who thrived (as an athlete, not as a person) under Gjert’s allegedly brutal approach.

Police brought charges of child abuse against Gjert relating to Jakob and his younger sister, Ingrid. If found guilty, Gjert could be sentenced to six years in prison.

Gjert has pleaded not guilty, and the trial is ongoing.

The details that have emerged so far in court are bleak, yet distressingly familiar.

“My upbringing was closely tied to fear. I’ve been aware of a fear-based culture for a long time. As a teenager, it was a concept I really identified with, because I felt I had no free will or say in anything,” Jakob Ingebrigtsen told the court.

“I was in an environment where everything was controlled and decided for me. There was an enormous amount of manipulation.”

The court heard how Jakob stopped calling Gjert “dad” at the age of 11 and referred to him only as “Gjert”.

“It happened because I no longer saw this person as a father,” Jakob told the court. “I thought that the things he says, the things he does and has done, are not worthy of a father.”

That is an incredible sentence. And it got worse.

The court showed a secretly taken video (by brother Henrik) of the verbal abuse Gjert hurled at Jakob when he wanted to be on a video game instead of training.

The impact of the alleged abuse, which also included testimony of being kicked and hit by Gjert, was made painfully clear by Jakob.

“I definitely think it affected the way I was able to be a child,” Jakob said. “I always looked over my shoulder and thought about the possible consequences of what I did. As a teenager, I realised that the less I did, the safer I was. I became very conscious about showing emotions and ended up not doing it. To protect myself.

One incident Jakob recalled was particularly harrowing, considering he was only eight at the time.

“I’m just standing in the kitchen and looking down at the ground,” he said. “The defendant (Gjert) is standing over me and screaming at me. He hits me several times on the top of the head. I try to protect myself from violence, before he takes my hands and puts them down on my side … to continue hitting me in the head. I remember freezing and wanting it to be over. I was just paralysed.”

And it has had an emotional toll.

“I now struggle a lot with letting people in and trusting me. When I got a girlfriend and wife, it was difficult to have a life together,” Jakob said.

“You have to show feelings and be there for each other. Be a person who contributes to the family. It’s difficult when I’ve lived a life with a lot of stress.

“You have become a machine that performs when asked to. As an adult, I get a lot of praise for it; that I am an athlete who performs under pressure in inhuman conditions. But that is because I had to do it as a child.”

Support vs abuse

There have been numerous cases, often in tennis, of abusive fathers (it’s almost always the father) and it also raises the question of being supportive and even firm versus abusive.

Parents of most teenagers, sporting prodigies or not, will know that getting them to do chores or help can be an exercise in frustration.

Some parents, who can see their child has an amazing talent for a sport, push. And that pushing, especially if there is resistance, can spill over into abuse.

Having spent nearly three decades talking to sports people, seeing them in action, writing about them, speaking to coaches and occasionally their parents … it’s complicated.

Talent is never enough. Talent needs hard work, support and opportunity to grow. Parents often provide all those aspects.

To get to the top, some athletes may have risen from nothing and had little or no other option, and in some cases didn’t have the support of any parents. Their motivation would have been from pure desperation, but even within that, there would have been a moment of opportunity that they seized.

Among other categories are those who were pushed by overzealous parents, such as it appears with Jakob Ingebrigtsen or tennis legend Andre Agassi, which leads to a breakdown in their relationship with a parent.

agassi Tennis legend Andre Agassi in Munich, Germany, on 3 December 2024. (Photo: Alexander Hassenstein / Getty Images)

Or the third and most palatable outcome – they have wanted to do it themselves.

“The opportunity to compete and achieve drove me,” 2008 Masters Champion Trevor Immelman told me during a fascinating podcast.

“You can’t achieve without sacrifice and putting the work in, and quite frankly, I might have enjoyed the work more than winning. I just love putting the work in, from when I was young.

“There was never a moment when my parents had to push me or ask me if I was going to practice (when it came to golf). I was 100% self-motivated.

“I would get up in the morning, pack my mother’s car with my golf stuff, so that she could pick me up straight from school at 2.10pm and drive me to Somerset West Golf Club.

“I would change from my school clothes into golf clothes and just practice and practice and play. My dad would later pick me up on his way home from work in Stellenbosch. That’s all I wanted to do.”

Of course, very few youngsters are as self-motivated as Immelman was, and it often requires cajoling.

Some of the best athletes only come to realise later the sacrifices their parents made for their careers – in terms of finance, time and emotional support.

Yet there are many cases where the parents try to live vicariously through their child, and it turns into an obsession, and abuse.

The Ingebrigtsen case has not received a verdict yet, but regardless of whether Gjert is found guilty by a court, the fact is that his children are testifying against him over alleged abuse, and they are estranged.

Jakob and Ingrid (who also gave harrowing testimony) have suffered. Ingrid gave up a promising athletics career because she couldn’t cope with Gjert’s demands.

Jakob went the other way and became a double Olympic champion, driven by anger and fear.

It’s clear from his testimony that he doesn’t feel much like a winner, regardless of what the medals and prizes say.

That is the saddest part of all. DM

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The line

Support vs abuse