Grief and crime: the erosion of community values in times of mourning

One of the strangest things I’ve ever had to do was to pick out my younger brother’s casket after he died in 2021. It was such a surreal moment, not least because it was not something I had ever imagined having to do.

This past week, I found myself in a similar situation when I helped my cousin in the planning of her mother’s funeral. I found myself being the first person to point out that among the things that would have to be done would be choosing a casket.

But what really struck me as I helped with my aunt’s funeral preparations was just how bad things have become in terms of crime in our communities. As we observed our mourning period with family and friends coming to pay their last respects, we were warned that we were to stay alert, as the neighbourhood criminals might try to use the opportunity to disguise themselves as mourners in order to rob people.

This for me was a reminder of what happens when we become so disconnected from each other that, even in people’s grief, there is no humanity and respect for the loss of life and pain that the family is facing.

In townships and villages it is custom that when a neighbour suffers a bereavement, a collection of contributions is done. It is coordinated by the community leader and taken to the family as part of showing a spirit of neighbourliness and commiseration.

Now it seems this practice is being targeted as a means of getting easy money in a time when people’s guard is down.

We are losing our sense of community and shame and our moral values right before our very eyes. This is deeply unsettling because what it ultimately does is strip us of our humanity. And in the process, perpetrating heinous crimes against each other is that much easier.

In an essay entered for the 2025 National Uehiro Oxford Essay Prize in Practical Ethics, Nicole Chinenyenwa Oboko writes: “The gulf between those who deny the effectiveness of shaming and those who affirm it is arguably large. [Philosopher] RJ Arneson asserted that shaming, in a decent society, can induce compliance to morally sound norms, practices and social standards, making its imposition ‘morally justifiable all things considered’.

“Moral shame has been proven to incentivise an agent to seek positive, reparative action in the aftermath of their shameful act… The imposition of shame (i.e. shaming) on other people does have a rightful place in society, given that it is harnessed for good purposes: for example, in line with RJ Arneson, to induce compliance to ethically sound societal practices.”

It is worth noting that every society has a set of moral values and ethics that guides it in the pursuit of collective wellbeing. What seems to have taken hold in our communities is a degradation of the moral values of honesty, compassion and respect.

What has instead replaced them is their antithesis, resulting in destructive individualistic and morally corrupt actions.

The safeguard of these moral values has been family and religious, cultural and educational institutions, which now seem to be corrupted and contested. Sadly, this is why we are now finding ourselves in a place where nothing is sacrosanct. DM

This story first appeared in our weekly Daily Maverick 168 newspaper, which is available countrywide for R35.