When three minutes is enough — the kindness of a quick goodbye

I once read that airports are “story-making factories”, places where people watch their loved ones walk further and further away until they are no longer visible. For families separated by continents, these airport goodbyes can be deeply emotional, each farewell carrying the weight of months or even years apart.

Airports are emotional crossroads for transnationals, a link in the chain of emigration, framed by security lines and departure announcements. Is there any place more transient, more filled with “in-betweenness” and “in-limbo-ness” than an airport? In such a setting, every hug and gesture can become fragile and cherished.

Here, our emotions lay bare before strangers, both intimate and exposed, in stark contrast with the design of airports (or train stations) that prioritises efficiency and practicality over the emotional gravity of farewells.

Recently a small New Zealand airport announced a three-minute limit on goodbye hugs in the drop-off zone and this practical restriction has led to questioning the value of brief farewells. 

“Those seeking a fonder farewell should use the car park,” officials humorously suggested as the airport CEO explained the need to keep the drop-off zone open rather than threats of clamping car wheels.

In defending this rule, New Zealand airport officials cited scientific studies on the benefits of hugging. This research shows that hugs have a well-documented impact on health and well-being. 

According to Michael Banassi, head of psychological science at UCAS University, three minutes is ample time for these benefits to take effect.

Hugs can lift our mood, boost our immune system and release oxytocin, often called the “love hormone”, which enhances feelings of bonding and comfort. He acknowledged, however, that “the context and quality of the hug are crucial”.

For some, a time limit might dilute the natural, comforting essence of a hug, potentially preventing individuals from fully experiencing the benefits of a heartfelt farewell.

As an immigration therapist, I often hear stories of emotional airport farewells that are anything but brief. 



For parents and grandparents separated by vast geographical distances, every second of that final hug is precious. It is a fragile moment to hold onto until the next visit, which could be months or even years away. Three minutes might feel like a blink of an eye for those who face long stretches without seeing their loved ones. 

Yet, in a world where farewells can be agonisingly drawn out, maybe the kindness of a quick goodbye lies in its simplicity. 

This limit may invite us to rethink how we approach farewells, even encouraging us to create new rituals of saying goodbye that sustain us with resilience rather than lingering sadness. 

Airports might then become backdrops to something even more precious: farewells shared at home, where goodbyes don’t compete with the rush of departure boards or security lines.

One family I know has a tradition of blowing a kiss and then walking away, a signal that says, “I love you, until we meet again”. Another family shares a simple phrase right before parting, a few words that only they understand, carrying the weight of love and connection. 

These small acts become meaningful rituals, symbols of connection that span the miles between them. Such rituals hold a quiet power, turning the sorrow of separation into a moment of connection. Even in the quick three-minute airport goodbye, these rituals provide a comforting foundation, making the farewell feel less abrupt and more complete.

Most of the time, in our closest relationships, words aren’t necessary. Where love is deeply felt, there’s a quiet understanding that nothing more needs to be said. It’s as if, in sharing each moment fully, we carry a sense of completion, knowing that the connection will endure. 

Ultimately, a meaningful goodbye isn’t measured by its length. When we’ve already said what truly matters, a farewell becomes less about parting and more about a silent reassurance that love transcends both time and space.

So, even in these “story-making factories” that are airports, perhaps a quick, intentional goodbye, complemented by a deeper farewell at home, can indeed be enough. 

The true essence of a meaningful goodbye doesn’t come from what is spoken or how long we hold on, but rather from the richness of the relationship itself. DM

Sulette Ferreira is a migration therapist; she has created a support group for parents and grandparents with children living abroad.