Five tips to find what really brings you joy outside of work

Not long ago I attended a concert. It was a band that I had been waiting a while to see and so I was excited to be there in the crowd. Part way through, they played my favourite song and I noticed that I felt something different.

It felt like a pinnacle moment where the emotion of joy felt expansive and unstoppable. In that moment, I felt more alive with all my senses of my surroundings heightened and yet so much more connected to the core of who I know myself to be.

I first set out to write about finding joy as if joy was out there in the world waiting for us to find it. However, the story of the concert shows us that this is not the case. Not everyone likes the band that I saw and not everyone at the concert had the same experience as me. This tells us that joy is more personal, an inside job, rather than something to find outside ourselves.

The psychologist Chris Meadows suggests that joy is a feeling that comes from viewing an event in our lives as being meaningful to us or good for us.

Joy is not just a singular experience; there are different types of joy, according to Meadows. In his study of joy, he writes about the muted experience of “serene joy”, which aims at restoring or maintaining equilibrium in the body. Then there is “excited joy”, which is linked to pursuing goals.

“Individuated joy” is felt while alone, while “affiliative joy” is shared with others. Meadow’s study into the phenomenon of joy suggests that social experiences of joy occur more often than solo ones and result in what we know as bonding experiences.

“Anticipatory joy” occurs when the fulfilment of a goal is imminent and then “consummatory joy” happens when the goal has been achieved. There is also an element of feeling blessed or that what has been achieved has exceeded expectations.

Parisians enjoy a weekend drink on a terrace of a Paris Cafe. (Photo by Kiran Ridley/Getty Images)

In addition to the thought processes that lead to joy, there are many other elements that need to be in place. Safe, familiar surroundings are key in enabling us to be present in the moment to support relaxed equilibrium. When we feel safe and relaxed, we are more able to laugh and play and explore new ideas.

Playfulness that’s aimless but results in fairly predictable outcomes allows us to switch off our inner critic and focus on the good feelings of being in the moment with joy. This brings a sense of ease in that whatever happens requires very little effort on our part.

Here are five tips on how to find what brings you joy in its many forms:

1. Be present

“Be in the moment” is easy to say but harder to do.

Joy exists in the present, therefore, we need to be there to experience it. This might mean that sometimes we need to ditch the phone and not video something to post or watch later, as doing that prevents usfrom  becoming immersed in the here and now. This is about making our own experience more important than the “likes” of others.

2. Listen to your inner voice

Next, turn up the volume on your inner voice. As joy is unique to each of us, we need to hear our own voice to find out what will bring us joy. To do this, it helps to create specificity around the goals that we aspire to in the future so that we are clear about what we want to achieve.

I love the theme tune for The Pirates of the Caribbean and want to be able to play it on the piano. To make this goal specific, I need to decide what my success criteria is. It might be that I want to play to the end without stopping, or I want to get to the end without stopping and to play all of the notes on the sheet music without mistakes. Only I can know whether I would feel more joyful by achieving the second goal over the first.

A businessman plays a "street" piano, one of 50 pianos placed on the city's streets for the public to use in celebration of the City of London Festival 1962-2012, in London, U.K., on Monday, June 25, 2012. Photographer: Jason Alden/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Being specific means we will clearly know when that goal fulfilment is either imminent or achieved. So, the more specific we are, the better. The same goes for looking at the experiences that have brought us joy in the past. By reflecting on these experiences, we can learn things about ourselves that lead to us being able to create more joy.

3. Don’t listen to your inner critic

It helps to switch off your inner critic, or at least turn the volume on this down.

It is not possible to be playful and feel safe and free while we constantly are censoring ourselves. So, tell the inner critic that it is OK for you to be you.

4. Find your tribe

These are people who enjoy the same things as you. Being with other people who are like us enables us to feel freer to express ourselves in ways that are congruent with who we are.

Rugby supporters out in numbers to watch the Rugby World Cup 2019 final match between England and South Africa at Nelson Mandela Square on November 02, 2019 in Johannesburg, South Africa. (Photo by Sydney Seshibedi/Gallo Images/Getty Images)

5. Tune into the little things

Finally, pay attention to the little things, as they actually are the big things. Joy comes from the most unexpected places. By noticing when we feel joy, we can create more of those experiences in our lives so that we can truly experience that joie de vivre (the joy of living). DM 

This story was first published in The Conversation. Alison Bishop is a Lecturer in Positive Psychology Coaching at the University of East London.